Headcase

There may come a day when I don't feel the need to add a disclaimer that I am not an expert in any of the things I write about, and that everything I say should be taken with that particular grain of salt. After all, we get to sit here and pretend that I didn't write and re-write this paragraph nine different times, only to end up with this. We have that luxury, so it's only fair that I disillusion you as to how it came about. Not only that, but I am certain that if some of my college professors were to find this blog, they would have quite a few things to say about how I have committed crimes against punctuation, grammatical conventions, and quite frankly the English language as a whole. This blog is prone to its rambling, I use far too many intentional run-on sentences, frequently stretching the comma to its absolute limit and beyond, and I only proofread for content. And speaking of content, let's talk about mine. What is it? Do you know? Because it doesn't really seem like I do. I mean, what am I doing here? Pointing out the flaws of my blog as the intro to my new post? What even is that? I can already hear you saying "Well, maybe he's going somewhere with this, and this is just the build up to the point." I will grant you that it is certainly within the realm of possibility, but it is apparently not a requirement. So, there may come a day when I don't feel the need to put that little disclaimer in what I write, or really in anything I do. But, it sure doesn't look like that's going to be today, does it? So, why should you even bother reading anything I have to say, right? Well, maybe you shouldn't. I did just finish pointing out a bunch of reasons to stop reading right now. You're still here though, so I guess that makes us both wrong today.

A case of the somedays...

I had one of my bad brain days today, so you'll have to forgive me my self-deprecation. It's kind of just how I deal with all of... this. Humor is a useful shield. A way of putting distance between yourself and the issue at hand. A means by which to simultaneously distract yourself, and to shelve whatever's bothering you on the "for later" section of your brain. I use humor all the time for this exact purpose. There's nothing wrong with that. It can be very helpful, even. Like any remedy however, there's a danger in over-doing it. If you keep putting off dealing with things until some mystical future time when you will have magically gained the strength to deal with it, then most likely you'll just end up crushing yourself under the emotional, mental, and often physical stresses of those issues. Eventually you have to deal, whether you have the strength or not.

I still haven't fully unpacked today, but I think that's what happened to me. I've been pretty open with the people around me for the last couple of weeks that I've been in a declining emotional state due to numerous things happening in my life at the moment. But even though I've voiced some of my troubles aloud, I haven't really taken the time to examine them and parse what's been happening in my head. It all came to a head today (pun intended) and I just had to stop everything I was doing. From an objective reality and adult responsibilities standpoint, I couldn't really afford to do that. From a standpoint of not allowing myself to permanently collapse into a ball of anxiety, bad poetry, and middle-school-angst-greatest-hits-playlist, I couldn't afford not to. I'm... I guess you'd call it better now? Maybe just differently not okay? I think most people call it neutral. Nah, none of those are right. But that's for me to deal with on my own. Unpacking and airing my issues isn't why I picked up my metaphorical pen today. That's mostly just for context.

I don't know who needs to hear this...

Anyone who knows me knows that I spend a lot of time on the internet. It's where many of my friends I can't see in person are. It's where I get news and updates on many things that are important to me. It's where I'm trying to build my business. It's where I go to keep a finger on the pulse of our society. I know social media has its downside. I am usually the first one to voice my reservations about social media. I mean, that Doctor Who quote about it that I used in my first post was something I just knew off the top of my head. I didn't even have to look it up. That fact either makes my point, or illustrates a totally different one which possibly requires an intervention. My point is that even though I know there is a lot of bad when it comes to social media, I have seen some good there too.

Every day on Twitter, for every terrible act of human cruelty, I see ten people supporting and promoting the creativity of others. For every abusive comment thrown like a grenade from behind an anonymous keyboard, I see dozens of validations of the struggles of others. For every hateful word, I see countless words of kindness and appreciation. My perspective my be skewed, and these ratios may just be a product of ones ability to curate their social media experience, and I will totally grant that. But here's why that doesn't matter. If that level of everyday kindness exists at all, even just in curated circles, then things will never be irrecoverably dark.

Just in case you were like me and needed to hear this today, just in case you didn't see your little ember of kindness today, just in case you don't have anyone else to tell you this: you matter, you are not alone, and I am so incredibly glad that you exist. Yes you! Even you who thinks this couldn't possibly be about them because we've never spoken or interacted. Especially you. You matter. You're not alone. I'm glad you exist.